Black Dog

So my depression has really taken hold over the past week, which is making organising an exhibition really difficult!

But I am keeping on keeping on.. even with custard for a brain..

Also... strangely.. I tend to be more creative when I am depressed... so have had a bit of a painting surge... and I really, really like what I have created. 

Not sure they will be dry in time!! eek! 

But I am so excited by them. I couldn't sleep with excitement after I painted the first one! Stupid really. 

But, because I am depressed I am also beating myself up for not having this breakthrough sooner!! This is definitely stupid! My inner voice really is a dick. 

Shame you can't change your inner monologue like the voices on a satnav...

#usingbloggingasprocrastination

(Small) to do lists are awesome!

I have already found out where I can get my large mixed media paintings scanned (and stitched)... the lovely Martel Colour Print in Hastings have offered me an awesome price. And I have arranged a lift up there tomorrow... yay!


And I have gotten the measurements for my mounts so can go to the lovely Picture Crafts in Bexhill to order those. Yay!


Now I just need to write a press release..


*sigh*

I think it was this chore that I was avoiding!

Rough draft... rough draft...

Come on Rebeka... you can do it...


GO!

Eek!

I am at that stage of the exhibition where I have to start tying up loose ends. And I am struggling with motivation. I am also struggling with that little voice in my head that thinks the exhibition is going to be shit and I might as well not bother.

But I know in a couple of weeks time when I hang the show... that same voice will start moaning at me... asking why I didn't do more.

That voice is a dick! 

So dammit... let's get shit done!

Today's to do list:

Get mounts cut.

Find out if I can get my large work scanned.

Rough draft press release.

To keep you entertained whilst I do my to do list, here is a photograph of my most recent work in progress (mixed media collage): 

PANIC!

Starting to have a little bit of a panic now about my upcoming show.

Firstly, I have been quite ill. So haven't been able to get much painting done.

Secondly, whenever I have a show I really start to question my work. When you are creating so much work in a short period of time it is really hard to get distance from it and I just can't tell if it's any good. 

And the work for this show is really triggering my low artist esteem button. I think because the changes to many of my photographs are very subtle. And someone in my past told me that what I created wasn't valid because I wasn't changing the original photographs 'enough'.. whatever the magic 'enough' is. 

But the work for this show seems the most authentic work I have done. They are views and objects I see on a regular basis and they are truly things that please me. I am making the photographs 'right' for me. Cutting out the things in the image that don't interest me and highlighting the objects, lines and positive/negative spaces that do. 

I think that is enough. 

So here is a photograph of a happy boat!